I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
