We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
