Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
