When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
did i just pee glitter
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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