Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
