Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
