Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
