if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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