Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My breasts were aching with rage.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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