the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
