This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
