He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
