I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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