When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Houston, we have a squirter
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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