My ATM looks so different sober.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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