I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
