I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
