You really coming over, don't trick.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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