he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
