I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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