Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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