Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
