you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
