I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
