Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
