i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
