Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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