His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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