3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize