Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
