Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
