hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
