Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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