i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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