you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize