That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
