break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
