good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
nutella sex= disaster
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
