god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
