i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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