well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
