Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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