Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
