We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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