Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
