i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
