were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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