Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
