so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
