every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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