Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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