i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
