Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
