There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
