i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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