i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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