took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
