Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize