there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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