so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
