Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize