Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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