nut hugger
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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