what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
