I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
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I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Drake has all the answers
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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