You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
