can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
