Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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