was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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