i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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