i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
