I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
