i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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