Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
