Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I will pee on everything he values.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
