Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
