two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize