3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
