Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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