I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
