To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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