Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
