listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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