I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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