I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
