My Higher Power is John Stamos
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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