I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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