Yo dont text me then not text me
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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