He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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