He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
