apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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