This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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