Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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