Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
