It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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