Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
