My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
