Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize