I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
