The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
