I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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