So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
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