They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
