She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
